Have u ever missed someone? Thanks to the I.T. world, people hardly miss anything / anybody... You get to learn a lot of things from the Internet - good or bad. You get to Skype, Facebook or Tweet your love ones... You may be million miles apart and yet, you are able to see each other everyday - It's just a 'click' away and voila! Communication takes place. Nowadays, 'Miss' or 'longing' for the love ones is such an alien thing... No more 'public telephones', postcards, love letters, telegrams or anything of that sort - No more snail mails. However, my entry is to share my wish to write a 'message in the bottle' to my late father...This year marks the 3rd year of his depart...We lost him on a heart attack...Sudden death to be exact. I wasn't with him...none of us was with him - ONLY MY MOM. I miss him terribly!!! I know this sounds crazy but I wish I can still talk to him or at least, write messages to him, roll the letter, put it in a bottle and let it sail onto the sea to reach him...
Here's a letter to Ayah (father):
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Assalamualaikum
Ayah,
HUGS AND KISSES!
HUGS AGAIN AND AGAIN...
It's been years since we last talked...
Ever since you left, I've read a lot of books on 'what happens to the dead after their death' written by our Islamic scholars and I'm glad that you were one of those who were very close to the Al-Quran...I guess you are well taken care of over there...
I miss you very much...
The kids miss you very much - Rayyan remembers the date he last ate your nasi lemak... Razin often ask me why I am not as 'cool' as you...you don't get angry at all! And Rizqin remembers how you used to hold his face and tell him how handsome he is...
Rizal told me all the many things he used to discuss with you...
To make it short, EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND! And that Raymond is YOU!
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| Rayyan, Razin & Rizqin (but Rizqin got his hair cut already) |
I don't want to give you any bad news... but I must tell you that mak (mother) misses you a whole lot. She speaks of you everyday - I guess she misses all those quarrel she used to have with you...she's grown weaker than ever... She's losing her eyesight - The doctors say it's due to diabetes. I don't believe that...she's had diabetes since she's 35 but she was always strong... I think she's been crying. I can tell that she misses u... She lives alone now. We decided to take her in but she insists on staying at that house you built for her... On the day you left, mak didn't cry... that puzzled me at first but now I understand... I assume she was numb at first... and then, when the visitors came to pay their last respect, she managed to put on a smile on her face but it was until everybody left that she started mourning...she must have cried all by herself. O I don't know...I might be wrong, but I strongly believe that she's losing her eyesight because she cries a lot - especially when she's alone... I must say that your love story is something that's rare and true... it's hard to find nowadays!
What am I up to? O nothing much. Life has been a lot busier than before. Rizal, the kids and mak. I'm proud to tell you that now mak acknowledges my cooking. She says that my cooking is a lot better than others' LOL! I just wish you could sample a few of my cooking. It may not be a big thing to others but it's a huge accomplishment to me. In fact, I wanted to impress you with my cooking on the day of our last meeting (3 days before you passed away) - I cooked masak lemak ikan masin with nenas. I cooked a lot than I usually did because you were on your way home with mak from KL. Unfortunately, you refused to stay for dinner that day...Otherwise, I'm sure you would have said that the dish is nicer than usual :)
The truth is - I don't know what else to say... Sorrow is not a good thing to share with you. It's just that I wish I can see you in my dreams every night I go to sleep. Of course, you do come and visit me once in a blue moon, thank you! BUT ... can you please respond to what I say??? Don't just stand there and smile!!! I miss you... I hope all my good deeds - my prayers...and reciting Al-Quran has helped you over there... I just want you to know that I'm trying my very best to stay strong especially for mak. She talks about you every day and there were times when she would cry thinking of you... and I played strong each time she did that...
Ok Ayah... It's pretty late now, I have to go to bed but before that, I just want you to know that I love you very much - ALL OF US DO! I want to apologize for all the things I've done wrong ... and I mean everything ... those were my green days...It was really stupid of me to think that you didn't love me as much as you loved the rest. I was totally wrong... I'm sorry... I didn't know... One more thing, a month after you passed away, Raafiee found my photos in your brief case... only my photos... and he was pretty jealous LOL! Here's something else that I'd like to say - Thank you for everything ayah...thank you for everything that you've done for us... You and mak have made me what I am... Alhamdulillah...
Lastly, I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH... I will write again some day... Assalamualaikum!
Love,
Lina, your daughter :)
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OK, it's crazy isn't it??? Tell me something PEOPLE! Do you really think that this letter will reach my dead father? No one can tell for sure... The point here is -- ALWAYS TELL YOUR FAMILY HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THEM BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN IS THE LAST TIME YOU'LL SEE THEM...You might be as unfortunate as me...I lost my dad on a sudden death. He had a heart attack, and I'm left with so many regret...so much guilt and so many things left unsaid and I must say, THAT is the hardest part about losing people that you love...
Here's a song for you, readers (if there's any):
And here's a song for my beloved Ayah (father): LOVE YOU!!! Muah muah muah!
AL - FATIHAH
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| (1937 - 2008) |
